Replying to Deadsy's fanmail.
Posted by Ric on 17.10.02
A lot of fan mail gets sent to Deadsy c/o Tom Conway, webmaster of www.deadsy.net, by people believing this to be the official site. Although some band members are willing to have this forwarded to them, others are not. So that no-one is disheartened by a lack of reply, I chose to answer Elijah's mail for him.
fuckin A they wrote my god damn theme song itsy bitsy titsy girl. thast awseome, i am checkin there other shit and it sounds sweet as hell you should check it out. keep up the good work. yins tourin any time? i am gonna make you big at my college, ill play your shit on my radio show when i get the cd.
Dan
Dear Dan,
I am glad that you have found pleasure in the music we make. However, I feel that I must take the time to make some clarifications. I begin this by informing you that the song on which you lavish praise is in fact called 'Itsy bitsy titty girl', and narrates a tale of inapproriate sexual attraction to a pre-teen girl. A correct reaction to this song is to revere it as an object of simultaneous beauty and repulsion, as Vladimir Vladimirovich Nabokov's 'Lolita'. Rest assured I have informed the relevant authorities.
Had you read our manifesto, you would be aware that, "The beings whom are chosen, extrapolate this epiphany, thus bringing into fruition the superlative, or the object of ultimacy." This is not you, as it is required that the beings who are chosen have all completed a basic literacy course. It is not even clear to whom you believe you are addressing this letter. Stop listening to us before you taint us with your association. I will take great pleasure in watching your small putrid station be crushed by the might of
H.R.5469.IH and the prohibitively expensive royalties I shall gain from this.
Never write to me again.
Elijah.
Dear Elijah,
I'm from Warsaw (Poland) and I'm writing to you because I'd like to learn a bit more about your band. One of my friends told me about your music (he really really likes it), but unfortunately I couldn't find any of your records here in Poland. I'd love to actually hear the music, so I was wondering if you are playing any gigs in Europe. Hope to hear from you soon.
With love,
Sarah.
Dear Sarah,
We're from Los Angeles, California in the US. I'm writing you to tell you a little more about our band. We don't really want to play in Poland because of people like you. You are weaker than the United States and are not going to buy as many CDs (or "records" as you called them) as the loving kids here at home. Tell your friend to stop listening to us because we are too good for him. Next time you want to be friendly and contact someone in a band why don't you pick someone from over there like Rammstein, or sigur ros.
With Contempt,
Elijah.
P.S. We don't play "gigs" we play concerts.
lovely page... lovely music...i am a waiting the new c.d.
you are all very beauty-ful... very sexy
Cle0xx
Dear Cle0xx,
I am glad that you too covet the preservation of purity and raw knowledge as expressed in the Deadsy theosophy of primacy. Few realize the true purpose, that Deadsy is an institution that was developed to purify and primify the human solution of sound and vision. It is adamantly committed to the realization of a comprehensive conveyance of simplicity and complexity's synergistic unions. The depth of your vision is truly heartening.
Elijah.
I'm very interested in your new album. You guys are very intersting 310-316-1309
Eve
Dear Eve,
Thankyou for your comment. Unfortunately I cannot agree. You will never know whether we are all interesting, as I insist that the other members of the band do not speak to the media. Equally, I disguise my own nature by answering every quesion with a reference to
the Urantia book, a kind of bible for wackos who aren't devout enough for Scientology. Understand that I cannot ring your number, as it takes quite a lot of time to memorize passages so I save these for the mass media and messages to "the legions" rather than waste them on individuals. If this seems unfair, please remember that I
am engaged in the relentless search of the ultimate.
Elijah.
