Six steps to a cooler you

Posted by Ric on 16.11.03

Tim is a friend of mine from Holland who I've known for a couple of years now. Varying trends in music mean that which of us is more down with the kids varies, and right now, because of his fondness of Buddyhead-style indie punk, Tim is more so. Through our past conversations, maybe we can all learn.

Tim: Over here we are more into mass events and DJ Tiesto. Ric: Pop punk is the biggest thing right now - xgoodxcharlottex represent Tim: the 'x's always do the trick, don't they? Ric: but for added effect, you have to speak like a rapper as well as having xpunkx appearance Tim: aha.. like the dude from Rancid doing rap projects now too.. and writing songs for Pink. Ric: Have you heard The Transplants? Tim: I have been lucky enough to only hear about half a song. Ric: they are unlistenable Tim: Jesus man, read between the lines.. you're not punk enough. Society has programmed you to not like anything that's real or unpolished. Ric: Yes, I will burn my Jesuseater and Converge records as a penance.

Tim: Do you know the Distillers? Ric: Yes Tim: Are they any good? I will see them when I go see the Bronx supporting them somewhere next month. Ric: They're pretty lame Tim: Great. Ric: They started off sounding fairly rough but with potential, then they went like Hole circa 'Celebrity skin' Ric: then Brodie divorced Tim Armstrong and the band went xnoxproductionxpunkx to prove that she was punk despite Tim. Tim: Man.. you just don't understand xpunkx Ric: Brodie is Australian but affects an LA accent because she's real Tim: See, you just don't get it. She's called Brody.. sellout.

1. MTV

Tim: I love watching fanboy concerts on MTV, especially when they interview "the fans" afterwards.. "that was the best show ever.. Linkin Park RAWK."

MTV is responsible for the greatest influx into xpunkx. This is because, while someone would have to specifically buy a magazine, MTV is beamed into the homes of millions of innocents worldwide who by some misfortune happen to see Blink 182 and like it. It is from this that habits like reading tawdry magazines and cultivating a perculiar appearance may develop.

2. Getting the look

Tim: Wow, some of them are a bit too big for the gothy look.

Getting the look is the most important element of listening to music. A popular start seems to be spray-on, wash-out hair dye and luminous rubber bracelets. A common mistake is to attempt the goth look. If you are over twenty years old, note that goth no longer involves excessive backcombing, French alusions, or military uniforms, but is a more palatable derivative trend with the same name. To now be goth, one must wear only TopShop's black outfits, and perhaps miss the point by adding some brightly coloured nail polish. To do this successfully requires special talent, so consider displaying your attitude with the MTV bag lady instead.

3. The popular music press

Tim: Let's see if there's any other great stuff Kerrang told me that I can impress you with... a dude from System of a Down attended a movie festival in LA in a suit and got his own news article because of it. Tim: Oh yeah, and of course the new LostProphets album is so good no one can touch it.

Kerrang! is the nu-bible. It has commandments that change every issue and are based on a cleverly concealed system of taking backhanders. If you are an especially good disciple, you may see your photograph in the magazine:

Alternatively, you may get a vox pop in which you can explain why you don't like Avril, or that your parents prefer your birth name to your chosen moniker, "Mistress Sexxx".

4. The underground music press

Tim: One of my former girlfriends was really into black metal, so for a period that ended about three years ago, I saw a lot of those bands: Tim: Immortal, Dimmu Borgir, Marduk, Dark Funeral... Ric: I've seen Satyricon, they were dreadful Tim: I don't really remember too much about their set. Ric: The band stood in a line midway back on the stage, with big beards, heavy overcoats, and legs really far apart, headbanging. Ric: The singer was skinny with shaven head, bondage gear, and a spidersweb drawn on his face with makeup. He ran along the front of the stage and introduced every song, "This next one is pure hate" Tim: I saw them back in 1997, way before that Pantera tour. Ric: Well, maybe they had time to practice all this. Tim: "This next one is pure hate" - that's a great line to pick up chicks though..

The underground music press does not mean a poorly written fanzine, illicitly photocopied 500 times by an officeworker friend. It is actually the mainstream press writing about unpopular music. For a description of what makes music underground, I refer you to the points made about re-releases:

Tim: Today I got a Revelation Records rare songs compilation and it said there was a new Will Haven song on it, but it's just a demo version of one of the songs on Carpe Diem titled differently.

If the majority of people have not heard it before, then it is new. If people have had a chance to forget it, then it is new.

5. The decline of popular culture

Ric: The guy from Good Charlotte has the corners of his mouth pierced and then a lip ring and possibly a nose ring. Tim: Well, he's in Good Charlotte. That pretty much ruins it, no matter what he looks like. Ric: I heard one of their songs the other day; it was forgetable, but it did explain why the high street shops are selling "alternative" clothing.

Tim: We actually listened to a Sick Of It All record yesterday - 'Built to last'. It seemed pretty ridiculous. Tim: I don't know.. how old are these dudes? forty? and still singing about standing up for each other..

Tim: Dashboard Confessional seem to be pretty much the pinnacle of mall emo. Ric: I've never heard mall emo - we get mall rappers & mall Beyonce Knowles :S Tim: Do you know Pink Anvil? Ric: No, I've not heard of them Tim: It's kinda like mall Slipknot, but then emo. Tim: It's the non-heroin dude from Ministry and someone else doing improv. electronic stuff.

Ric: I was disappointed with The Get Up Kids Tim: I never really understood why they got so big... I mean, they have nice pop songs and all, but nothing too special in my opinion. Ric: I think the difference is that they were more energetic live. Tim: Those type bands always sound like they would rather be somewhere else than the studio anyway. Ric: Yes, but they still build following from people who hear them first on CD Tim: Yeah... popular culture is starting to surprise me more and more everyday... maybe I should start a satirical website.

6. Buddyhead

Tim: These Arms Are Snakes are a band featuring the bass player who used to be in Botch. I would't say it's anything like Botch at all, although other people have. It's just their first demo, from what I remember it was fairly good. Tim: www.thesearmsaresnakes.com / www.hairlinemedia.com/taas01.mov Tim: "These Arms Are Snakes (remember band #566 that got signed cuz we named dropped em here) has a new video promo of sorts you can download. It’s basically Ryan and Joe snorting K and looking at gay porn to one of their songs. Brilliant if you ask us."

Buddyhead is an optional stage, only for those who find themselves surpassing the confines of pop punk. Buddyhead embraces the punk ethic by publicising a dislike of Axl Rose and Fred Durst, and dressing in suits ironically. To emphasise how cool and un-9-5 they are, they also do drugs, something that 9-5 workers would never do.

Tim: The best thing about the Alec Empire vs. Merzbow record is that it sounds like they are doing two completely seperate sets when you first listen to it, like it is two shows layered on top of each other - no coherence whatsoever.

With Buddyhead, as with everything, there are risks. The first is that everything you see becomes corporate, and everything you say ironic. The second, possibly greater risk is that Buddyhead acts as a gateway drug, and you move on to Digital Hardcore.