House hunting seemed like a wonderful idea at the time; the fact that my nextdoor neighbours' roof caved in a week ago only fueled my desire to find a new house. This was, however, easier said than done.
To save time and effort I used a handful of internet sites on which people with a house advertise spare rooms, and having been house hunting for a only couple of short weeks I think I now know how to best con people into paying large sums of money for a room the size of a small wardrobe:
To initially attract attention, especially female attention, in your advert focus upon the fact that the lucky applicant could soon be living with three quarters of a hardcore punk band - only to reveal later that the band in question are badly in need of practise and play most of their gigs in the house's kitchen.
Additionally you can place great emphasis on your sociable nature, sense of humour and music tastes to lull applicants into a false sense of security, only to watch their barely concealed horror when you transpire to be too obese to physically fit up the stairs of your own house (hence why you want to rent the top floor).
Inflict your personal lifestyle choices on any potential flatmates whilst simultaniously possessing no original thoughts in your skull by using a much over-quoted lyric in your advertisement.
You could just admit that your house contains three dogs that have a free reign of the place and aren't house trained, or try to hide this behind the line "sharing with one owner and three adorable dogs".
It is important to remember to personalise your advert so people can see just how normal you really are.
Or alternatively you could ensure that your grade 2 listed house is whisked away into the Twilight Zone on the night of the arranged viewing and ensure that a swan with a 6 foot wing span chases the sucker who answered the advert for half a mile down the road.
