This year, my New Year's Resolution is to avoid becoming a victim of demon possession.
On the outset this sounds like a piece of cake. However, upon closer inspection, it seems that whilst there is no firmly established criteria for becoming possessed it has a tendency to occur when you least expect it.
There are obvious scenarios in which the risk of demon possession increasing, for example excavating any sinister looking churches in Iraq or the rest of the Middle East - especially where they pre-date Christ a la Ice-T's 'Guardian' and Chuck Norris' 'Hellbound.'
Or when you are directly responsible for the execution of psycho killer who suddenly starts speaking in dead languages and sings a lot then it might be worth watching your back. Equally old puzzle boxes or antique books rumoured to have been co-written by Satan himself are probably best burnt on sight.
But accidents happen so if you do managed to potentially fall victim to demon possession then it is important to be able to separate the facts from the fiction before breaking out the holy water and sacrificial knifes.
Odd behaviour at parties and urination of underwear could be due to ingestion of large quantities of Special Brew - which could also explain green projectile vomiting.
In fact the vast majority of symptoms of possession, including scrawling on the walls, mysterious injuries and acquisition of mysterious objects of potentially great value (or at least assorted traffic signs and flashing lights) can be explained away due to abuse of alcohol.
Admittedly, the ability to fly, shape shift and any general resemblance to an ugly green monster might perhaps be a good indication of supernatural activity, at which point listening to Enya might prove helpful in exorcising evil spirits and anything else in earshot.
